Twas The Night After Christmas - Part Two

(who the hell says "twas"?)

I jogged up the fire escape and up onto the roof

I was nearly half naked and felt like a goof

Exuding some dignity, I was trying my best

But what I saw next made my jaw drop to my chest

I couldn't believe what I saw in the sky

A fat man and livestock shouldn't be able to fly

"On Dasher...and you there...and whats-his-name too!"

I heard him exclaim as they continued to....flew
(they can't all be winners)

It seems Old St. Nick was showing his age

From the book of senility, he was taking a page

I could hear the wind whistle as onward they sped

I had to duck quickly, or get impaled by the sled

He landed that crate, rather deftly I'd say

Especially considering there was fog in the Bay

[20th Century Fox wants to turn this into a movie, so I'm going to hold out for more money before posting the rest]

Twas The Night After Christmas - Part One

(ok, a FEW nights! I've been busy, so sue me)

And all through the apartment complex

Not a creature was stirring...except for my noisy, upstairs neighbors who really don't care who they inconvenience…

Ahem.

The stockings were all scattered

On the floor with disdain

Because without my own washer

Laundry is really a pain

Some kids were skateboarding below on the street

With plans to tag our garage doors and make a hasty retreat

With me in my boxers, and Spock Bear close by

I jumped under the covers for some much needed shut-eye

When all of a sudden there arose such a fuss

I jumped out of bed and started to cuss

I threw open the window and looked out on the 'hood

But nothing was happening so it did me no good

[Part Two is under negotiation while the screenwriters argue about where the plot is going.]

This is Spock Bear.

Thought Of The Day beta 0.2

What's better, lights turning on when they detect your presence or by voice command? Commanding your appliances rather than automatic obedience seems so much more satisfying. Plus, it makes it harder for the snipers to find you when you finally crack and hole up in your house with an assault weapon.

"Mooooom, he's touching me!!"

"No I'm not!"

Thought Of The Day beta 0.1

I'm pretty sure this is where all my potential energy to blog ends up.

(by the way, black holes are supposed to be invisible)

Embittered Old Man

If you haven't noticed it by now, I will point out that one of my favorite subjects is psychology. My introduction began when I was in community college and took my first 100-level psychology class. The teacher was quite a character, sometimes coming to class in costume, and always bringing an interesting perspective to an otherwise possibly dry subject. I often wonder if I had gotten a different teacher, would my viewpoints about people and society be drastically different? As it is, I can't help but analyze people and situations as a sort of hobby, using that to explore why people do the things they do. The opposite, I believe, is for people to take everything for granted and adopt a laissez-faire attitude about what goes on around them. I see this as going through life with blinders on, but maybe that is a self-preservation thing. Our lives are filled so so much noise as it is (ok, no comments about blogging), that perhaps most people just can't take on the enormity of what goes on around us in so much detail.

I, for one, often feel overwhelmed by what I see as the "big picture" and all the little trails leading to and away from it.  Not that I understand it, but I find myself compelled to follow. So what is it I'm trying to get at? Well, tonight I became acutely aware of one of the side-effects of looking at society with a microscope...you tend to get bitter. Ok, maybe that isn't everyone's reaction, but I discovered that it was mine. What happened? Well, I went to the store to buy a few things. Mind you, this was my local "Mom and Pop" produce store. It's across the street so convenient to pick up a number of things without hiking to the local supermarket. Besides the owners, there are a number of employees that I often make small talk with, who probably recognize me by face if not by name. Tonight was a little odd. The guy running the cash register asked if he could buy me something. I thought I misheard him. I asked him to repeat and he offered to give me one of the "sample" size bottles of wine they had behind the counter. This took an enormous amount of internal time to comprehend...you know, that time that occurs inside your head when you have to think on your feet? I find this time distortion is greatest when I meet a woman and have to decide whether to ask her on a date. That can seem like years, but I digress. I still couldn't fathom what was going on. I though maybe it was some kind of hard sell to get me to buy more stuff, cynic that I am, but he was genuine. He ended up giving me three small bottles and wishing me Happy New Year. I find myself wondering still if it was his last day or something and he was cleaning out the store. Whether he had some ulterior motive seems irrelevant. He didn't have to offer me anything. Maybe he just won the lottery, or got a raise, or was just...happy. Whatever the reason, it still struck me that I have grown pretty cynical about people and society in general, not even allowing for the possibility that a veritable stranger can have a generous streak.

I find this particularly poignant as we find ourselves within the aura of the holidays. It is supposed to be a time of good will and generosity, but how true is that anymore? Yes, people are throwing the occasional canned good or toy into those collection barrels, but does today's society give us too much leeway to be anonymous? Do we too often say as a collective conscious that someone else will take care of it or make up the difference? Do we no longer expect the community as a whole to be generous, or for individuals to want to be friendly or giving as a matter of course? I don't have the answer to that. I'm not even sure it has really changed my skepticism of the world to be unselfish, but it certainly gives me pause. I think of myself as a good person, but if I cannot see others that way, then maybe it doesn't matter because I'm only contributing to the collective mistrust of people. I guess what I'm getting at is that it is all connected, and that connection can sway people towards awareness or ambivalence. Has society, on average, simply become like Ebenezer Scrooge? Have I become a bitter, old guy before my time?! And are there any ghosts out there that can really change the way we think?

If you think you have any answers, let me know. In the meantime, I'm going to send Bob Cratchit home, count my gold, and try to forget this bit of indigestion I seem to have.

"Don't you dare do anything suspiciously nice or I'll shake my finger at you!"

Filler, Just Not the Sugary Kind

Since renewing my interest in my blog, I've had almost a constant stream of ideas for blog posts. The problem is that they keep inflating into these small thesis papers that I have trouble finishing. Its similar to the time I was supposed to write a ten page story on archaeology for a college class, and ended up turning in over 100 pages of an unfinished Indiana Jones novel (which i'm still working on). Anyway, it made me realize I need to develop some short-subject posts to put inbetween so people have something to read. I'm not sure how well that's going to work since it was my original intention for this post to simply say, "Yay, I have two followers now!".

"Gosh, and these are just the notes for his next blog post!"

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

The Bastard Child of Commercialism

I've been working on my next post, which appropriately has a tie-in with the holidays, and ran across something that relates to the subject, but would take me off-topic if I included it with the upcoming diatribe. Also, I wanted to squeeze in another post to make me look productive. Does that make me some kind of blogging whore…or the pimp?

Anyway, to keep things brief and to the point, especially since I'm doing this during a break at work, I saw the following image in a store window and it literally made my stomach turn. I'm not sure if there is any better example of splicing the tourism of San Francisco with a more grandiose icon of pulp culture and excess (I'm talking to you Michael Bay) than the following Frankenstein offspring of some artist's mind.

"I am Victorian Prime! I've come to Earth to get my picture taken."

Ugh…look away…look away.

The Art of Bitch

Since my writing style is growing, you might as well come along for the ride. First I was going to call this post "The Bitchy American", but bitching isn't unique to America (although I bet Canada is complaint free. What have they got to complain about?) and I already used "Fragile American" in a previous post. See how hard this writing thing is?! And that's just the title! So, I weeded out a few more titles and settled on "The Art of Bitching", but it dawned on me that really, bitching is a lot like war. It's usually an attempt to gain some small victory in a battle in which you've taken the offensive position. Does your job suck? Does your boss/spouse/dog never listen to you? Well, take it out on the fast food server that got your order wrong. Is it a big deal? Fuck no, it shouldn't be, but it's a battle you can win, so "Charge!!!". So, it seemed very appropriate, even if it sounds wrong, to borrow from the title of Sun Tzu's "The Art of War".

See how this is all coming together?

This parallel also solves the dilemma I had about how to bitch about bitching without bitching, thus becoming the subject of my own rant. By invoking Sun Tzu, this post is now faintly camouflaged as educational and relevant. Adding a historical context makes your writing look well thought out. What's really amazing is that all of this came together AFTER I started writing about it. Even after I thought about the title, I hadn't made the critical psychological connection between bitching and war.

The only bad thing now, due to this post taking on a life of its own and being shaped by seemingly random thought tangents, is that the original idea seems kind of lost. Maybe that's a good thing. My original negative vibe, intended as a means to vent about people's propensity to complain and feel entitled, has evolved into a more positive, compositional journey. Perhaps if I'm lucky, you still got the point while also being enlightened somehow, and not feeling like you want to kick a puppy.

"Hey you...read this guy's blog, it ROCKS!"

The Tyranny of Expectation

So, there I was having a nice conversation when BLAMMO!…out of nowhere I was asked, "Have you updated your blog? I stopped checking".

And there it was, the looming shadow of expectation…and guilt. Frankly, I didn't think anyone was even checking, and I guess I was right, but it was my own fault. Then the second blow came when I went to check out some other friends' blogs and darn it, some of them are quite literate. The ones who aren't are funny though, which makes up for a lot.

Where does that leave me? Somewhere between inspiration and oppression. Does my ego really demand that I share my inner creativity with the world. Does it require recognition to warm my soul? And to receive that recognition from an audience requires consistency.

So I have to decide, does creativity drive my writing, or the demands of an audience? Most likely, I'm just putting off something more "important". [air quotes]

Twitter and the Fragile American

This story is quite old, in internet terms, but some time ago there was a big hub-bub about a guy who was on a sales call out of town and made some kind of remark on Twitter like, "If I had to live here I'd die". As it turns out, the guy's client was following his Twitter account (more on that stupidity later), saw his remark and reported it to the guy's employer. I think the guy got fired as a result.

Honestly, there are so many stupidity vectors here, it's hard to concentrate on just one. First, did the guy share his Twitter account with the client, or was the client just stalking the guy through his Twitter account? If the guy KNEW co-workers or clients might be looking at his Twitter stream, why make a comment that could be misinterpreted in the first place? Twitter is an environment that is just ripe with pitfalls. Because of it's inherent immediacy, people forget to censor themselves sometimes.

But this post isn't about the correct way to conduct yourself on social media sites, it is to highlight what I see as a growing tendency of people to get worked up over "nothing". I'm sure this guy's client gave no thought to the context of this guys tweet, and simple decided to view it as an insult to their region and then bitch to the guy's employer over their insecurities. There are many places in the world where I would almost literally "die" if I had to live there. I lived in El Paso, Texas for a year and the heat almost did me in...and it was a MILD year, barely breaking 100 degrees Fahrenheit. I simply cannot deal with high heat or high humidity. Does that mean I think all people and businesses who choose to live in El Paso, or in hot or humid climates suck? Common sense says "no".

The problem is that most people are ruled by factors other than common sense, and that is what scares me about society today. People would rather respond to the worst context of a statement or situation and fly off the handle, and with more people sharing more information by way of services like Twitter, blogs, and Facebook, it seems we are creating more opportunities for people with thin skin to lash out at their "enemies". How much time and money is wasted on court cases where someone is lashing out at somebody because the world is not perfect. How many products now carry warnings such as "don't use your microwave to warm up your baby or dry your pet" to prevent people with no sense from destroying the world. Am I defending the corporate world from neglecting their responsibility to provide safe products, no. I'm attacking the mental laziness of people who think that others need to be responsible for their lack of sense. The world has become all about pointing fingers at someone else for their mistakes.

Can we, as a society, please get a grip??!!