A Tale of Perversion

Well, I have to say, I am very disappointed in all of you. There is a very good chance that you have arrived here after reading this post. And you probably are thinking one of two things:

1. Those bail bondsmen work quick.

2. America has loose morals and will let anyone walk the streets.

I is innocents I tells ya!

A couple things you should know about me is that I would never defile a vintage Star Wars figure, and, while I have dated someone 15 years younger than myself, they were legal and were not male. They also broke my heart guaranteeing I would never date under the age of 30 again. And honestly, I'm not a big fan of naked children...hell, even cherubs make me feel queasy.

Frankly, the response to this story has only proven that you, not I, are the horrible, depraved individual. Sensationalism is the killer arrow in the tabloid journalists quiver of bait...and you people fall for it every time. Your morbid curiosity and eagerness to swim in the filth of exaggerated storytelling is the hallmark of our society and the reason we still don't have flying cars. Seriously, more money goes into porn and video games than any other industry. I'd show you the studies, but you just think I fabricated them to support my convictions.

And to what do we owe this piranha-like frothing of internet traffic...or to WHOM rather?! It's this man...

Seriously, all he thinks about is McDonald's french fries, when he isn't maligning characters.
(even his clothes are McDonaldsish)

And yet YOU, the gullible public, are willing to eat up any grandiose story he is willing to throw out at you, like chum in shark infested waters. Ok, seriously, I've got some kind of seafood action going on...which only goes to prove I like women!!!

Note to self: Don't blog while drunk after soul-crushing defamation of character.

The REAL truth of this whole story is that it is an elaborate cover-up to mask the horrible guilt that the President is trying to deal with for STANDING ME UP TO GO JOIN A CULT! Oh sure, we were going to have a couple of beers...maybe some pizza...enjoy some traditional Hawaiian music...BUT NO! This guy was off fraternizing with his new spaceship-worshipping puppets...probably dancing around in robes all commando-style and having orgies and Kool-aid.

Ok, I have to admit the orgy part doesn't sound bad. But I'd be very careful of ANYTHING you read on this guy's blog. Seriously...he has issues.