I know what most of you are thinking. I have the word "poop" and "number 1" in the title, and someone will invariably make a comment about which is it, number 1 or number 2? And it will happen on the second post as well for obvious reasons. Hopefully most of you will be mature enough not to go there, but then who am I kidding.
Know your audience.Normally I would leave the feces-related reporting to more experienced individuals, but this is all-out war!
So, if you happen to follow my blog, you'll know that I moved recently. Until now, I have not yet had a chance to exploit this for the blog. I've never lived in a particularly fancy place. I have my standards, but as long as I have a frig, stove, working toilet and shower I'm pretty much set. My new place, in contrast, is in a fairly new building and one of the reasons I moved was to gain some "luxury" amenities. Definitely one deciding factor was the dishwasher. This is not only an awesome timesaver, but probably will help me prevent health-code violations. Also, there is no door on my new kitchen to hide the stacks of dirty dishes.
There have been many wonders in my new apartment, but none more confusing than what I found in the bathroom. Now, I've been to many bathrooms, so it's not like I'm a water-closet newbie or anything. I've even used a urinal in the Vatican.
I guess you're expected to kneel when you use it.
However, when I got to my new toilet, I was greeted by what was to me, an unusual sight. Rather than the typical flush handle that one would expect, there were instead two buttons! Now at this point I was feeling a bit like Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man when he is in the future trying to figure out how the three seashells work.
I would have gotten a better picture, but the buttons are right under a shelf. Brilliant planning.
Apparently, the buttons are supposed to help you conserve water. The button on the left with the half-filled circle is supposed to flush half as much water as the button on the right. Nevermind that I have to memorize which button is which because I have to stick my hand underneath a shelf to press them. Now if it's one thing I appreciate about going to the bathroom is that it is relatively simple. Your body pretty much knows what to do and does it. The disposal of those bodily functions should be equally simple. Now, with this system, each time I go to the bathroom I need to stop and make a decision...do I need a half flush or a full flush for this particular visit? I have to make decisions and struggle with issues all day, now you are going to complicate my bathroom experiences? My solution, and the irony, is that I pretty much pick the buttons at random and probably use the same amount of water either way. Seems like if I push the 'half' button, I have to press it a second time anyway, so why complicate my life with flush choices‽ Now if one button flushed with red water and the other blue, THEN they might have something. Make flushing fun and colorful. I could choose my flush based on my mood. Was it a good bowel movement? Ok, blue then. For those constipated visits, red....although that could have repercussions I won't go into here.
So in the end (heh, had to GO there) lets keep the bathroom simple eh? Although a butt-massage option might be nice.
i would be more offended if it weren't for the fact that this is a post that actually did need to be written.
ReplyDeletealso, the use of the interrobang.
i hate toilets that make things confusing. if the toilet is trying to be more water conserving they can keep it exactly the same as a regular toilet, except suggest you put a 20oz soda bottle in the tank and save 20oz of water every flush.
without half the confusion.
and if you really need, you can drink the soda later on.
The toilets in New Zealand are like this - half flush or full flush. (One of my officemates went so far as to put up signs in all the stalls asking people to always/only use the half flush in an attempt to save water.)
ReplyDeleteI found it strange at first, but on a recent trip back to California, I was surprised by finding the one-flush option toilets strange. I didn't realize I had gotten that used to the NZ toilets.
-Jen
hahaha I remember when they installed those new toilets in Rosie and my old Fillmo' center apt. I don't remember having quite the existential toilet-flushing crisis you seem to be wrapped up in though.... hmm perhaps if you relabel the buttons "#1" and "#2"? I'll even lend you my fancy label-maker. Or perhaps Rosie can make you a happy little construction paper poop for the "full moon" flush! She's great at that. :)
ReplyDeleteThey're the same in Japan and, to simplify things, it's recommended that you use half-flush for pee and full-flush for poop.
ReplyDelete